I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
