My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
