i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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