I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
