ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
