my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
