she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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