Tell her she can't have a vagina
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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