Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
