i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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