Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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