i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
