i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
