Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
