Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
