I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
