I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
