im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I could fuck to npr.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
