just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
