dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
