There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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