she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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