I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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