when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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