I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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