but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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