I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
