he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
