So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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