I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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