i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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