Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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