Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
