ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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