mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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