I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
