why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
