May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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