I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
