Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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