so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
