so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
