dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we made out on top of his cat.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
