lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
