We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
