I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
