You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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