no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
His hands were made for my vagina.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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