New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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