I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
